watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
