Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
