i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
