I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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