Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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