I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
