she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
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so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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