I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
