I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
