Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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