He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
