so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
