Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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