dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
