Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
