You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
