hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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