you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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