Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
