So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
