So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
