ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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