Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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