his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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