You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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