2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
