just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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