you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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