After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
