Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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