ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
