Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Buhtt sex?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
