So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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