she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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