By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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