You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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