Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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