and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
