I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
