I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
