you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
