she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories