If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
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He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.