i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?