Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize