I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
