that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
