just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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