Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
