my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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