I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My vagina is officially offended.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
