Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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