In the future we'll all be gay
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
