It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
