I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize