ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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