is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
