Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
