I wish I only lived at night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
