we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
