i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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